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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718055">ivy growing sideways</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamalovesherbagels/pseuds/mamalovesherbagels'>mamalovesherbagels</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>but here, have one chapter of terrible AU, im sorry, just go with it, probably will not continue and this is terrible, this idea wouldn't leave me, title is from the steps by haim, wow another single parent AU, yes i took creative liberty with the timeline</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:14:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamalovesherbagels/pseuds/mamalovesherbagels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>this was never part of the plan. tatianna rejecting his proposal (even if that was half his fault, he knows this now, probably even more than half) and then leaving him when he was in a coma was never in the plan. tatianna dropping off a baby ten months later was also never part of the plan. buck's sister, new in town, also seems to understand things never going to plan. hey, it's good to have a friend, right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ivy growing sideways</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ella is two weeks old and she is perfect and a part of Chimney still wishes that she had never come into this world because she’s already been subjected to such cruelty from forces out of her control.</p><p>She’s a baby, just a newborn baby and her mother had dropped him off practically at his doorstep (she knocked first) without him even knowing that she had been pregnant in the first place, having not heard a word from her since he woke up from his coma.</p><p>And now here she is, with no present parent except a shitty father who has no idea what he’s doing because he had no time to prepare.</p><p>He wants to hate Tatianna, really he does, but he’s afraid to hate her because then maybe he’ll stop wishing for her to come back, and he needs her to come back. Not because he still loves her, no, that ran out long ago and there’s an echo in the corner of his mind that’s always asking if he ever did love her fully, but Ella needs her mother. Two parents who are not together is still infinitely better than one father who has no idea what the fuck he is doing.</p><p>Hen is a godsend, and of course she is because she’s never led him to expect otherwise, but she has her own kid and wife and Bobby is trying to help, too, but he’s really too embarrassed to let anyone else but her help, because who the hell gets a surprise baby dropped off at their apartment by the woman who didn’t even care enough to be at his side while he was in a coma?</p><p>Tatianna hadn’t even given her a name, and she had been in the world for a week by the time she gave her to him. And THAT much he can’t blame her for, because naming a whole being is absolutely terrifying and he had gone back and forth for a few days before he finally caved and filled out the paperwork because not knowing what to call the tiny scream crying baby in his arms was only adding to is all encompassing anxiety.</p><p>Her middle name is Ruth, after his mother. It had felt too painful to call his child by his mother’s first name, so he had to sneak it in the middle, another thing he feels inadequate about. Ella Ruth Han. And really, he only settled on Ella for a first name because when he and Hen were bouncing names off each other at 3 am in between night feedings, it was the first one they both agreed that they didn’t hate.</p><p>So yeah, he’s really thinking he’s not cut out for fatherhood at all, but here he is. He thinks Ella would be better off with someone far more competent, someone who actually could be a good father, something that definitely isn’t Chimney’s blood or heart given his upbringing, but one of her biological parents had already abandoned her, and he couldn’t make it two, could he?</p><p>He feels raw, ashamed, unbearably sleep deprived and drowning after being thrown into the deep end and maybe it’s selfish of him, but he hardly feels fit to show his face in the grocery store, so the thought of going to a “welcome to LA” party for Buck’s estranged sister who just showed up in town feels far too daunting. He can only imagine what Maddie thinks of him, and he can’t even blame the clumsy way Buck often words things for that. There’s no way to make “ex-girlfriend who rejected his proposal left him with a baby he didn’t even know about” sound good.</p><p>Still, Hen and Karen are both insistent that getting out of the house will make him feel a little bit more human, and that he eventually has to cave and see the rest of his team before he went on (surprise) paternity leave. “Nothing to be ashamed of,” and “ripping off the bandaid,” they had both said over and over.</p><p>Of course, he had thrown every excuse under the sun at them, but of course, they had come up with plausible responses to every single one. Of course their babysitter is perfect, of course they’re willing to take on a newborn for a few hours, of course going out will help make some of his shame go away…</p><p>Yeah fucking right. He’s a horrible dad and he knows it, and being away from his baby is already amplifying that feeling. But Hen has already forced him into her car and there they go, on their way to Abby’s apartment and it’s taking all his effort not to cry.</p><p>It’s even harder for him not to burst into tears when he walks through the door and a hundred questions about new parenthood and how he’s doing are thrown at him. No, he’s not doing okay, and no, he is not a good father and no, he is not currently seeing any light at the end of the tunnel and yes, everytime Ella cries he takes it incredibly personally.</p><p>Bobby asks him why he hasn’t been answering the phone, as if they both don’t already know the answer to that.</p><p>The only person who might possibly want to be at this party less than him is the woman he’s never seen before in the corner shifting her weight back and forth anxiously, who he can only presume is Maddie Buckley. She’s beautiful, which isn’t really surprising considering Buck is pretty conventionally attractive, but it just makes him feel even more self conscious.</p><p>Buck grabs his arm and is yanking him over toward her, and he sort of wants to just run out of the door but Hen has the keys and she specifically drove him there so he couldn’t leave the party early.</p><p>“Maddie, this is Chimney. Don’t ask about the nickname. Chimney, this is Maddie.”</p><p>“Hi Maddie, nice to meet you,” he says, even though it isn’t.</p><p>“Hi Chimney, nice to meet you,” she replies, and he can tell that she doesn’t exactly mean it either and it’s oddly comforting.</p><p>There’s an awkward silence for a moment, before Buck is rolling his eyes and patting Chimney on the shoulder.</p><p>“Chimney’s usually a lot more fun and bubbly, I promise. Really, he’s the one out of all of us that shuts up the least and--”</p><p>“I think that’s you, Buck,” Chimney snaps before he thinks better of it, but if Maddie is angry that he’s being rude to her brother, she doesn’t show it.</p><p>“He’s usually the life of a party but he has a newborn so you know, probably not getting all that much sleep.”</p><p>“I bet,” Maddie sighs sympathetically, and even if the smile is half hearted it’s still rather striking, “is anyone else there to help?”</p><p>Ah, so yes, she does know the story. Not that he can really hold that against Buck. It’s kind of hard not to jump into the juicy drama of it all when you mention that your friend just had a baby and the mom left him with it.</p><p>God, he hopes there’s some sort of deeply emotional explanation that Tatianna has for this. God, he hopes she pulls it together. God, he hopes she comes back soon.</p><p>“Uh, yeah,” he answers awkwardly, pulling himself out of his head when he remembers that he’s been asked a question, “Hen is over a lot. She’s my best friend.”</p><p>“That’s good. Babies are certainly cute, but can be very overwhelming.”</p><p>“Do you have any kids?”</p><p>“No,” she shakes her head, “but I was a nurse, so…”</p><p>“You would know,” he nods kindly.</p><p>“Her name’s Ella, right? That’s a really pretty name.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s her name, thank you. I’m glad you like it because it took me a little while to decide.”</p><p>“Well, you chose well.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he repeats, hoping that she doesn’t notice the giant, dark bags under his eyes, “I appreciate it.”</p><p>“I’m sure you’re doing the best you can,” Maddie continues, “and as I said, I was a nurse so if you ever just need a few hours to nap… I know we don’t know each other so I’m just a stranger asking to look after your child, but… I really wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>“That’s really kind of you. I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, as if he’ll actually consider it, because really he should and it’s so kind of her but he’s mortified by the entire situation and the less people that see him up close failing at fatherhood, the better, “so, what brings you to LA?”</p><p>“Buck didn’t tell you?”</p><p>“No,” he shakes his head, “haven’t been at work. On paternity leave.”</p><p>“Well… you’re not the only one with a sad, dramatic story.”</p>
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